I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
dude i'm inner monologue high
she peed on how many people?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
