I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
