$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
