I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
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