'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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