Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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