please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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