I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
