Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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