Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
