well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
