Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
