This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
