Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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