Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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