Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
