Nicole vs. Life
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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