please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
