Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
