Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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