i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
How does it feel to date your dad?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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