I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
