I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
