We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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