A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
