i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
