yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
