New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
