So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
