Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
