I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
