it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
