Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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