i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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