actually, I'm a sock model
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize
