is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
