I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
