I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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