well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
