i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
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