I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
