time to smoke my breakfast
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
