im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
40s are totally the cure
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
