Cold hands, warm shart.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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