I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
