I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
