Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
