Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
