Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
