just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
