Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
