I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize