I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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